Thursday, February 25, 2010

Just a Little Vent..

The first piece of wisdom my mother imparted to me at the start of my engagement was this - "There is no such thing as a drama-less wedding".

But at the start, it's hard to take off the rose-colored glasses. We were so in love, our families were supportive, our friends were so excited for us.

But now, around the five month mark, I'm realizing maybe Mom was right.

Hello, drama.

Now to be fair, this is a one-sided monologue of a drama, as the angst and anger and disappointment lies solely with the bride.

A destination wedding. You never know who is going to be able to make it. So I invited pretty much all of California, hoping at least a few could come. There was no slashing of our list.

But I don't think it quite hit me then. That some of my loved ones won't be there.

As we build and prepare to send out our invitations, I'm scared. I'm scared of the "not attendings" we'll get in the mail. I'm scared that I'll take every "no" personally, and that the irrational part of my mind will convince me that it is because they don't like me, or don't approve of my marriage. I'm scared that I'll be planning a party for people I hardly know (Sak's side), and that I'll be the stranger at my own wedding.

Now Penga, don't be silly, right? It's Hawaii, people would come in a heartbeat if they could. It's not a cheap vacation. I'd be wrong to expect those that are not financially secure.

But what if the "no" has nothing to do with finances?

What if it's someone you've offered to pay for?
What if it's someone you know can make it, but they say they don't want to "deal with the airport" or they "don't want to leave their dog"?
What if it's someone how at first said yes, but now changes their mind because they "miscalculated their vacation time"?

How do you not take things like that personally?

I've lost a lot of faith in my friends and family. People I had assumed that would be there for me. But I shouldn't have assumed in the first place. I shouldn't have created that mental picture of our wedding day, with those key people smiling happily around me.

I need a new mantra - a pessimistic belief that I should expect no one is going to come. Like when you convince yourself you flunked a test, simply so you will be overjoyed when you get that C. I don't want any more disappointment. I don't want to think that we're putting our heart and soul into planning a party that no one cares about. I just can't handle that thought.

I apologize for the negative post. But sometimes you just need to lay your problems out there in the open so they can evaporate away. So you can come back to them later and realize how silly you were being. When the rational mind returns to tell you that maybe the sad excuses you've been given were just masks for some deeper, unknown problem.

I think I need a cheer-up-cream-puff today.


  1. Get that cream puff right now!! Two in fact! :oP Aww cheer up Panga! Remember that if Sak shows up and you show up, that's all you really need! And your family (at least the immediate bunch) are there, that's all that really matters! People will come and go in life. :oT This isn't quite the same but I recently send my MOH my bridal shower list and unfortunately I've made friends all over the place... so my list of 30 ppl... only about 5 are showing up and tha includes my mom and MOH, and a pregnant lady who might pop at any moment.

  2. Its definitely tough to accept that some people who are important to you won't be able to make it. I felt the same way when a close friend told me that she might not be able to make it to our wedding. And this was about a year before our wedding day! People do care, but might not be as excited as you are. I've noticed this even within our families. Go get that yummy cream-puff and enjoy it!

  3. Aww Penga.. it will be okay. I feel the same way sometimes because we are both from Chicago, born & raised, and had to relocate to MN for his career... When we decided to have the wedding in MN for convenience purposes, a lot of our guests were questioning whether or not they would make it and it made us really sad. It also doesn't help that we decided to pick a wedding date that fell on such a big holiday weekend, so I know that most people won't be able to make it for that reason alone. But the way I see it is... it's not really about them. It's about US and if they can make it, then GREAT, the more the merrier! But if not, I'm still going to marry the man of my dreams and everything will be just fine. Cheer up, okay? :)

  4. thanks..i <3 you all! i've been getting a lot of "don't think we're going to make it"s recently so i've been a little down.

    like you say, i should remember my goal is just to get married, the party should be the afterthought!

  5. @Penga, I think all DW brides go through this a little bit. It's heart breaking, but you know they still love you!

  6. Oh, penga! Sorry you're down in the dumps. I'm betting we'll end up going through the same thing in due time (it'll be a destination wedding for almost all the attendees other than our coworkers!) and I'm not looking forward to it. Keep the important part in mind: you're getting married to the man of your dreams. He'll be there!

    Hope the cream puff helps!

  7. Penga!
    Guess what... the world doesn't revolve around your wedding! Just kidding but in all seriousness that's what my mom had to tell me when not one of her 10 (yes TEN) brothers and sisters said they can make it to the wedding. In all fairness they all live in Pennsylvania, see it as a DW wedding, and are in their 60s and 70s (with grand-kids of their own getting married) but I still took it pretty hard. Seriously, not even 1... not even 10%?!

    Then I realized that as long as Pete shows up (he better the heck show up!) I'll be the happiest person in the world.

    Eat your cream puff and make sure Tak gets there in one piece :)

  8. sage advice, people! I will take it to heart. and the cream puff helped, immensely. lol.

    im sorry that everyone else has to go through this too. it's not a fun thing at all.