Ducks in a Row

No, not Mrs. Pug's ducks.

I'm talking of that super un-fun stuff called paperwork.

*Yawn*

Regardless of the boring-factor however, the paperwork is pretty important. And since I'm in the mood for pretending to be organized, I thought I'd share my arsenal for conquering the wedding week.

In the Kogepan folder -
- Vendor contracts
- Vendor receipts
- Misc. vendor emails

In the Squall folder -
- Hotel confirmations
- Flight confirmations
- Honeymoon Itinerary
- Japan Rail Pass receipts
- Re-Pack List for honeymoon

In the Daisuke/Dark folder:
- Week-of Timeline
- Day-of Timeline
- Vendor contact list
- Marriage license application
- Seating Chart (I used Martha's freebie tool.)
- Decoration Inventory List
- List of things to buy in Hawaii
- List of when OOT guests show up, and where they are staying
- Notes for the emcee
- Copy of wedding vows
- Beat-up-on-sight list for the bouncer

And in a mailing folder, I also have some copies of the timeline, seating chart, and inventory lists for our decorator/coordinator.

I'm wondering why I waited until the last minute to put all this together. It really does give one peace of mind to know that everything is there, ready to go.

On the other hand, I've had to re-do the seating chart like 20 times since last week alone. So starting early does have drawbacks as well.

Am I forgetting anything? We plan to bring the laptop with us too, so if I really forgot anything important, I should be able to find it still. Having the hard copies in hand is a bit more comforting though.

What's in your essential wedding paperwork?

And I kid about the bouncer. It wasn't in the budget, unfortunately. :)

Ship Tips

A common question, and one I asked myself many times throughout this engagement, is how does one get all those decorations and DIY projects to her destination wedding?

First, the post office. Here's my tips and thoughts on the United State's Postal Service:

-Don't feel like you need to send everything all at once. We sent a total of 5 boxes to Hawaii over different intervals, based on whatever was finished and ready to go at the time. The sooner you get it out the door, the more time you'll have to track down a box in case it gets lost or delayed.

-Write down what you put in each box. Both on the box itself (like a packing slip) and also in your notes. I don't know how many times I've wondered where something went, only to remember (via list) that I had already sent it out.


-Use tape. One of the lighter boxes was not quite full, so instead of using messy packing peanuts, I simply taped the objects down to the bottom and sides of the box. That way if the box was tossed around, the objects would not smash against each other.

-Place paper goods in plastic Zip-Lock bags. That way, if the package gets wet, your programs and place cards won't be ruined.

-Send the boxes somewhere reliable. For example, our mail-person tends to just throw the box on our doorstop, completely out in the open if we're not home. Or he/she will throw it on our back patio, and forget to tell us. Or he/she will drop it off at our leasing office, which has failed to find our packages on numerous occasions. In comparison, we sent all our boxes to Sak's grandmother's house, since she is home often enough to receive the mail as soon as it is delivered.

-Take advantage of flat rate boxes. If you've got heavy decorations, sending it at one fixed price could cost you less in the long run.

-Take advantage of media-shipping rates. We could have sent our programs as media-mail, and it would have been dirt cheap to ship! But unfortunately I received them too late in the game for media-shipping, which tends to take longer than first class mail.

-Insure if you're scared. Although my stomach flipped over at the thought of any of our boxes getting lost, the only box we ended up insuring was the one with my brother's suit in it. Better safe than sorry, at least for items that have a tangible (and not just emotional) value.

Second - sending ordered items straight to the destination. Bypass the "middleman" (yourself!) and have items you order online sent straight to the wedding site. You will only pay one shipping fee that way, rather than two.

Unfortunately, however - we didn't use this option very much. I'm too neurotic, and needed to see EVERYTHING first, before sending it over to Hawaii. My mom did order a big poster print of her favorite engagement shot to stick near the welcome sign though. Since I already know what our faces look like, that was one we could send straight to Grandma-Saka's. Hopefully it doesn't scare her.


Third - take the stuff with you on the plane.

I really wanted to minimize this route, since I need my precious and very-limited luggage space for stuff like clothes. But we will be carting the wedding dress, kimono, cheong sam and Sak's suit on as carry-ons.

And uh, it's going to need a good long steam bath when it gets there...

And now, drum roll please..What's the cost for the five shipped boxes?

$30.40 + $38.95 + $10.70 + $14.50 + $25.67 = $120.22

Ouch. That seems like a lot. But I think for the sheer amount of stuff we sent - projects, suits, shoes, etc. - it's worth the cost of not having to bring it on the plane with us.

Now, bringing things back home with us? Ohohoho. Yeah, I haven't given that two seconds worth of thought. I suppose my family can ship it back to me? Or keep it there? Or both?

Anyway, how are you getting the party to the venue? Plane, train or automobile? Or better yet - keeping the party at home? No shipping required!

Just a Little Vent..

The first piece of wisdom my mother imparted to me at the start of my engagement was this - "There is no such thing as a drama-less wedding".

But at the start, it's hard to take off the rose-colored glasses. We were so in love, our families were supportive, our friends were so excited for us.

But now, around the five month mark, I'm realizing maybe Mom was right.

Hello, drama.

Now to be fair, this is a one-sided monologue of a drama, as the angst and anger and disappointment lies solely with the bride.

A destination wedding. You never know who is going to be able to make it. So I invited pretty much all of California, hoping at least a few could come. There was no slashing of our list.

But I don't think it quite hit me then. That some of my loved ones won't be there.

As we build and prepare to send out our invitations, I'm scared. I'm scared of the "not attendings" we'll get in the mail. I'm scared that I'll take every "no" personally, and that the irrational part of my mind will convince me that it is because they don't like me, or don't approve of my marriage. I'm scared that I'll be planning a party for people I hardly know (Sak's side), and that I'll be the stranger at my own wedding.

Now Penga, don't be silly, right? It's Hawaii, people would come in a heartbeat if they could. It's not a cheap vacation. I'd be wrong to expect those that are not financially secure.

But what if the "no" has nothing to do with finances?

What if it's someone you've offered to pay for?
What if it's someone you know can make it, but they say they don't want to "deal with the airport" or they "don't want to leave their dog"?
What if it's someone how at first said yes, but now changes their mind because they "miscalculated their vacation time"?

How do you not take things like that personally?

I've lost a lot of faith in my friends and family. People I had assumed that would be there for me. But I shouldn't have assumed in the first place. I shouldn't have created that mental picture of our wedding day, with those key people smiling happily around me.

I need a new mantra - a pessimistic belief that I should expect no one is going to come. Like when you convince yourself you flunked a test, simply so you will be overjoyed when you get that C. I don't want any more disappointment. I don't want to think that we're putting our heart and soul into planning a party that no one cares about. I just can't handle that thought.

I apologize for the negative post. But sometimes you just need to lay your problems out there in the open so they can evaporate away. So you can come back to them later and realize how silly you were being. When the rational mind returns to tell you that maybe the sad excuses you've been given were just masks for some deeper, unknown problem.

I think I need a cheer-up-cream-puff today.

The Unofficial Officiant

Recently, Sak and I were presented with another hurdle the destination wedding decided to throw our way. Officiants. Sure, it would have been easy enough to book someone already in Hawaii, but we had to be difficult, didn't we? You see, we have the blessing of being quite good friends with one of our pastors, and it just seemed like a perfect idea to have him marry us. More meaningful, perhaps, since he already knows us as a couple.

So we talked to him, and as luck would have it, he was already planning a vacation with his family there that same summer! And as they hadn't firmed up their plans yet, they moved their schedule around our date.

At this point I was pretty happy, we had our officiant, and he was someone I knew, what could go wrong?

Saka-Dad, even more practical than Sak himself, pointed out: "Is a California minister legally allowed to marry people in Hawaii?"

Ehhh.

Well, as it turns out, no - they are not. Only folks licensed by the state of Hawaii can perform Hawaii marriages. It makes sense, I just hadn't thought of it.

So we could either -
a) Get legally married at the Honolulu courthouse, and married before God with our un-licensed Pastor.

(source) At least it's pretty!

or

b) Have our pastor apply for a license to perform weddings in Hawaii.

(source)

The grand master plan? Try for B, and if it fails, go with A.

Luckily, becoming a licensed officiant in Hawaii isn't that hard. You do need, however, to show proof of your ordination papers. When we let our pastor know this - he cringed.

"I'm not technically ordained." He said.

Errr. WHAT?!

The color drained from my face. Yet before I could contemplate the concept of being deceived by a man of God, he continued to explain that his ordination papers misspelled his name by one letter, so it was very difficult to "prove" his identity with them. He just hadn't bother getting it fixed since it didn't effect his ministry in Salinas.

I wish I could say we have a resolved problem at this point, but I can't. At this point, our Pastor has tasked himself with getting his ordination papers corrected, and then we will try again on getting him a license for Hawaii.

(source)
To celebrate our Pastor's eventual certification, I think we should give him his very own wedding conch shell

So the moral of the story? Going out of your home state to another state or country often includes laws on what you can and can't bring in. This includes officiants!

Are you using an officiant you know? And has anyone else had trouble "importing" their officiant to their wedding?